The Dating Mistakes Men Make

Not replying to that for a few hours now........

Not replying to that for a few hours now........

I’ve recently started doing a podcast about dating and relationships called “Love/Life” (coming soon to iTunes and SoundCloud). I’m co-hosting with a lovely Tipperary lady named Anna O’Connor and during the show we analyse and debate relationship issues from a man’s point of view and from a woman’s point of view. I’ve been learning a lot from researching topics for the show and from chatting to Anna, to my friends and even some of my exes!!! So, from these conversations and the dozens of blogs and articles I’ve been reading for research purposes, I’ve compiled a list of the common dating mistakes that guys make, from a woman’s point of view and the common dating mistakes that girls make from a man’s point of view. I feel like it’s important to state that these do not necessarily reflect my views or Anna’s views, but are common to many and are intended to create conversation and debate.

 

MEN

 

Treat ‘Em Mean, Keep ‘Em Keen

 

Of all the dating mistakes that men and women make this is probably the most common and the most boring. The Game.... does it really work? Yes and no. There’s a fine line between coming on too strong and being so indifferent that they lose interest. There’s an old cliché that says “girls love a bad boy” and there is some truth to that, but it doesn’t mean that you should treat someone like sh*t either. Even the rich, handsome, famous fellas can only get away with treating a girl badly for so long before it all blows up in their faces. I think you do need to be aware of where the line is between coming off desperate and coming off disinterested, but “treating ‘em mean” is only going to drive them away or into the arms of someone else.

 

Not Replying To Messages

 

This kind of falls under the “treat ‘em mean” heading as well, as it once again throws open the playing it cool vs. playing games debate. In 2018, people are on their phones all bloody day and most of that time is spent on social media. Granted, sometimes people are genuinely busy, but we are all aware of the games that go on and that leaving someone sitting on two grey ticks will tick them off, but make them want you even more. Again, know where the line is and don’t let playing it cool turn into playing it cold. Pro tip: send voice notes. The receiver can’t see or know what’s in the message without opening it making it a lot harder to ignore.

 

Forgetting About Romance

 

Some guys think romance is for wimps and are far too concerned with preserving their manly image and what the other lads will think etc. But ask any girl and they’ll tell you that romance matters and that sweet nothings and thoughtful gestures can go a long way. You know what’s manly? Being in a long-term, happy relationship with a person who loves you. Just don’t...

 

Go Overboard On Romantic Gestures

 

Once again, there’s a line. Going OTT on the romantic gestures is a one-way ticket to downloading Tinder again. Why? Because it makes people wonder what you’re trying to compensate for or what (or whom) you’re trying to hide.

 

Being A Cheapskate

 

If you ask someone on a date, then you should pay the bill. Unless the other person feels strongly about it, that is. With that in mind, don’t suggest the special offers or try to get a deal on a table because it’s close to the toilets etc. If you’re asking someone out then loosen the purse strings and put your best foot forward.

 

Going To The Same Place All The Time

 

“It’s cool, they know me here,” you say to your date, thinking that it makes you look like a cool, popular social butterfly who’s looked after in all the trendy places to be. What they’re actually thinking is that this lad is a serial dater and brings every single girl to this place and probably has his own key to the condom machine. Change it up a bit, guys.

 

Talking About Exes

 

Anna told a story on the podcast about a girl who was on a date with a guy and he couldn’t remember the name of a restaurant that he wanted to take her on their second date, so he rang his ex and said “hey, I’m on a date here and I want to bring her to that place we used to always go, what was the name of it again?” Don’t do that. In fact, don’t talk about exes at all on a date, unless you want the person in front of you to think that maybe your ex had a point. There’ll be plenty of time to talk about why your previous relationships didn’t work if/when this one starts to work, but don’t lead with “my ex was such a psycho”, because it doesn’t paint a great picture of you and it’s telegraphing that you probably aren’t over that person.

 

The Sex Stuff

 

There’s a lot of stuff that falls under this heading, so I’ll try and just hit the main points. Firstly, if you are chatting/flirting through apps or social media then keep your pecker in your pants. You know who you are; you say hi to someone you like, they say hi back and then BOOM you send them a picture of your penis. Why? Have you ever heard of a girl who’s replied, “wow I had no idea, I’ll be right over” in this scenario? Sexting shouldn’t happen until it feels natural and is completely consensual – just like the real thing – so you shouldn’t pressure someone or expose yourself to someone unless you’re completely sure it’s what you both want. The same is true in the non-digital world and you shouldn’t expect sex until the other person is ready. Nobody owes you the ride just because you paid for dinner. And if they do decide that they’d like to have sex with you after one or two dates, then don’t judge them for it. Don’t start asking questions like “well if they put out on the first date, then how many men in this town have they slept with?” All these stupid little games and rules are the reason why good people can’t find the right person, so if it feels right, then go with it and don’t think about the past.

Patrick McLoughney